Our Story

VOW was born out of a need to bring redemption and meaning to 2 lives and a marriage almost destroyed by the betrayal of a sacred relationship – that of a minister and a hurting member of his congregation seeking help and healing.

I was 30 years old when this story began in 1991 – the mother of 2 little boys – living in a rural community and actively involved in the church in which I had grown up. I had experienced the loss of my father and experienced postnatal depression after the birth of my 2 sons, the younger being 2 years old. Spiritually I felt far from God. Needless to say I was extremely vulnerable.

I turned for help to the person I thought most competent and able to help me spiritually – the minister of my church. I believed that a person in this position was a spiritual authority, deserving of respect and trustworthy. How wrong I was. Instead of helping me, he used my vulnerability to satisfy his own physical desire.

Fortunately I was able to end this abuse fairly soon but I believed that I had had an affair (this belief was reinforced by my abuser), and I felt so much shame and condemnation. No matter how much I confessed and asked for forgiveness I never felt any peace.

I was too scared to tell anybody, nobody would believe me because after all he was the minister and ministers don't do things like that. So I kept it a secret. I lived with the guilt and the shame. I believed that I had sinned and I was unworthy to be God's child. I carried on as if nothing had happened, but inside I was a mess. I believed that I just wasn't good enough. I wasn't a good wife, or a good mother or a good Christian. I cried out to God over and over for forgiveness but I couldn't forgive myself and even though I knew God forgave I had no peace or freedom. I was often depressed and had anti-depressants on and off over the years.

20 years later I felt the need to tell my husband what had happened. Of course I told him that I had “had an affair.” He was absolutely devastated and so angry. What followed were months of hell for both of us. The fact that we are still together is only because of God's grace.

We both went for counselling but neither of our counsellors had any real understanding of sexual abuse by clergy so we continued trying to deal with “an affair”. We turned to the church for help and assistance but they were not interested.  A retired bishop was assigned to counsel us but all the time the stance was that of an affair and we were encouraged to forgive and put it behind us. No real closure was reached.

I was so desperate that I attempted suicide. I then met an amazing woman who has a ministry to hurting and broken women. She taught me the truth – that I am a victim of sexual abuse. The truth set me free, free from the guilt and the shame. She met with my husband and explained clergy sexual abuse to him and so began our journey of healing.

When researching the subject of clergy sexual abuse we both realised the extent of this evil in our churches. There are numerous organisations overseas dealing with it but none in South Africa. I had long wanted to have a ministry to women and there was a need to channel hurt and anger.  And so, encouraged by a number of parties, both locally and internationally, VOW was born.